Stop Shifting. Start Listening. Sell Better.

I was at a friend's house last night for a dinner party, some South Africans. It was a BBQ or, as the South Africans call it, a braai. It reminded me of the time in my life when I lived in Cape Town. A phenomenal city, if you haven't been there I recommend it! Anyway, we were having rich conversations and I couldn't help but watch the dynamics of conversation around the table. Inevitably, there was an incessant amount of 'shifting'.

What is "shifting" in a conversation?

The easiest way is to give you an example. Imagine the conversation below:

A: "We went on holiday to Greece last summer, it was really lovely. Mykonos is really beautiful".

B: "Oh yes, we went to Mykonos too! We stayed at the hotel what's-his-name".

In this exchange, person A is talking about one of her experiences. And person B uses what person A has said to turn the conversation back on them. She shifts.

What could she have done? Simply adopt a 'support' position. Here's an example:

A: "We went on holiday to Greece last summer and it was really lovely. Mykonos is really beautiful.

B: "It sounds like you had a really good time. Tell us about it? What did you like about Mykonos?

There you go. Rather than bringing the conversation back to her, person B validated person A's emotions in her first sentence. In transactional analysis, this is called a verbal caress. And used his response to prolong the conversation about person A rather than bringing it back to him.

Fill your prospects' emotional needs. Not your own...

In sales, contrary to what many people think, it's not the logical and rational aspects that are at the heart of the decision. It's the emotional aspects. It involves many things, but one very important thing is that people buy from people they like and trust. And so for people to like us, it's important to develop a relationship with the person we're talking to. Taking an interest in the other person from a position of support is a great way of doing this, but it's also extremely complicated.

And why is that? Because for reasons of survival, we are as self-centred as we can get. That's what interests us most. And we aim to be interesting, more than interested. How many meetings have you attended with sales people where they monopolise the floor and use all their arguments to convince you? How do you feel after these meetings? Perhaps you were intellectually convinced. But isn't there something missing? Something, shall we say, emotional?

The school system doesn't help us either. Because we learn to spread our knowledge like jam. But our prospect doesn't care what we think or what we know. Once again, what interests him are his emotions, his point of view and his ego.

Curiosity and communication are part of the 5 pillars on which improving sales effectiveness is based (practically, this is done in different ways, for example with B2B sales training programs or helping organisation build robust hiring processes ). Keeping in mind the distinction between the shift approach and the support approach and striving to have a "support" approach will help you to develop a better relationship with your prospects. And with the people around you in your life.

Putting labels on emotions

One of the many things I explain to the teams and individuals I develop is to stop focusing on the rational and concentrate on developing a relationship with their prospects. Contrary to what too many people think, this doesn't involve a good joke or asking how their children are etc... Although this is important, it is more powerful to seek out and validate the emotions of your prospects. This means putting a label on our prospects' emotions to show them that we have actively listened to what they are telling us.

Let's take a random example from a discussion between a sales rep and his prospect and compare two ways of handling a situation:

Prospect: "We really have a challenge with our new banking application project. We don't have the resources that are familiar with X, Y, Z technology." -Editor's note: sorry, I'm a salesman, so I don't understand anything about technology ;)-.

Sales person: "Oh, we have consultants with exactly that expertise.

In this exchange, the prospect expresses his frustration. This is a great opportunity for the salesperson to develop a rapport with the prospect and validate their emotions. But he prefers to jump at the chance and "sell his sauce"... How could he have reacted?

Prospect: "We really have a challenge with our project on the new banking application. We don't have the resources that are familiar with X, Y, Z technology." -Editor's note: Still terrible with technology, sorry -

Commercial: "Wow, that sounds frustrating. Can you tell me more so that I understand?

And that's it. There's a validation of the other person's emotions (I think that's frustrating). Followed by an interest in understanding better (can you tell me more?). Simple and complicated at the same time.... Because in the heat of conversation, with so much to think about, it's rare for the people I interact with to detect this interest in understanding more information, this active listening. If you want to find out more, there's a lot more information on this subject in this Guardian article.

Practical exercise

If you're reading this article as I write it (summer 2021), you're probably at the seaside or in the mountains. And at work, I imagine that you have no problem listening and that you always adopt the 'support' position and not the 'shift' position. Otherwise, I'd like to suggest a little exercise to do while you're on holiday.

The next time you go to a BBQ, or a braai if like me you know South Africans, or a social dinner, concentrate and in your exchanges, try to keep the conversation about the other person rather than bringing it back to you. Validate the other person's emotions with a simple phrase, initially: that's interesting / Wow, you know your stuff / Oh, that's clever. And then ask for more, try to be interested, not interesting. And keep the conversation focused on the person you're talking to: Tell me more / What do you mean by that / etc...

And above all, avoid falling into the trap that 99% of humans do, that of bouncing off what is said and replying with "Oh yes, the same thing happened to me! I guarantee, absolutely guarantee, that the people you talk to will remember you as one of the most interesting people they met at that BBQ or dinner party... Or that braai if they were South Africans!